The most important day is the day you decide you’re good enough for you. It’s the day you set yourself free.
Brittany Josephine
As social beings, we put so much gravity and importance into how society views us. We want to be accepted. We want to feel that we belong, and that’s normal. This is how we are. We want to be loved. We want to be longed for. We want to be wanted. Pero para saan? Para kanino?
Because of the pressure to fit in, we can sacrifice things that we may not even know that we take for granted.
This includes saying yes to everything to be polite, or to avoid making the others involved feel bad. Or keeping silent to avoid confrontation or say anything offensive. For me, it was avoiding subjects important to me because it was more important that the one I was talking to isn’t bored than to share what I really wanted to share. Sometimes, it’s hiding who we are so people won’t see us differently. I want to focus on that last bit because, for some of us, this is life every day.
Sometimes, it’s hiding who you are so people won’t see you differently.
Because of conservative norms and ideals, some members of the LGBTQ community live in secrecy or within closed circles.
Being “in the closet” can be considered a safe space because if no one knows, then no one can use that to hurt us. As part of that community, I used to think that I can live my life like that. No one HAS to know. But I know.
And at the time, I was too afraid of the rejection of my peers and family. I kept who I am to myself and allowed myself to believe that I was wrong. I was a mistake. This was validated when someone told my family about my sexuality, and all I heard were, “Hindi ka namin pinalaking ganiyan.”, “Anong kasalanan namin sa’yo.” as if I was at fault for something I couldn’t have chosen. It was as if I wanted to break their hearts like mine was not also broken. As if I didn’t have the right to feel sad or be hurt because it was me who hurt them because of who I was and who I loved.
As if I didn’t have the right to feel sad or be hurt because it was me who hurt them because of who I was and who I loved.
But you know what I got out of that?
Freedom. I never got the choice as to when I would come out. But I still had the privilege to choose what to do next. I looked for words online to find labels that I would resonate with. I started talking to people who identified with the same labels or shared similar experiences. I surrounded myself with people who took the time to listen to what I had to say. Tho those who stayed even if they didn’t understand at the time. I chose those who also chose me. It was a huge thorn that I was finally free from, like finally breathing when I didn’t even realize I was holding my breath. Finally, finally, I was at peace with myself. I deserve this peace.
So do you. Happy Pride.
Today, June 12, 2021, marks the 123rd year of our independence from Spanish rule. We hope to commemorate this day by remembering the heroes who continuously fought for our freedom, and those who fight for the freedom of all Filipinos to this day. We also take this time to make space for the Filipinos who are fighting for their freedom in their own ways.