Throw in some questions about a particular episode, character, or scene—I know it. Ask me about the background music playing for a specific scene; I can name it. Grey’s Anatomy made such an impact in my life that, to this day, I always find myself coming back to watch reruns whenever I’m at my lowest. Call it what you want, but it was a staple outlet whenever I needed to feel comforted.
At the semi-ripe old age of 16, while others were busy with everything adolescence has been throwing their way, I was busy creating footnotes in my head for my all-time favorite show, Grey’s Anatomy. The series, currently on its 18th season (19th on the way), has been a constant source of inspiration, grit, and relatability for everything else hormonal kids felt back then. I never thought fictional characters could create such an impact that they made me see things differently. Maybe some things didn’t make sense then, but they do now.
When my family started the talks about sending me to med school, all I could think was, “Great! At least there’s already a plan to look at”. It was a distant future I had no business worrying about just yet. When I was younger, I only had two things in mind whenever they asked what I wanted to be when I grew up: to become a pilot or an architect. Among my five brothers, only one veered away from the field of science—well, not really, since Electrical Engineering is still science. Lots of science, actually. I was my family’s last shot at achieving almost every Filipino family’s goal—to have a doctor in the family. And Grey’s Anatomy practically gave me a scrupulous idea of what it’s like to become a doctor—accurate or not.
SOME ROADS WE TAKE LEAD US ELSEWHERE
I’d like to think I was never a problem child. As the youngest, though I was never pressured, I always wanted to excel. I always wanted to be on top of every competition, quiz bee, and even on-the-spot painting contest. My studies were the least of my family’s concerns. I was like Dr. Cristina Yang, incidentally my favorite character in the show. She was vicious; she was always on her A-game; she’s got the brains but lacks emotion. Aha! Emotion—that facet of life that flushed all those bright and shiny dreams down the drain.
Grey’s Anatomy accompanied me throughout my adolescence up until I started working. But just like every episode of the show, I, too, had a rough path to adulthood. While Meredith, Yang, George, Alex, and Izzie fought off every obstacle in their professional career, I was going head-to-head with hormonal imbalance. I started skipping school because I couldn’t get up from bed, but when I returned, I always performed way better than those who were always present in class. That scenario may seem like a great thing, but in reality, it’s not. Medically speaking, they call it overcompensation. A state where a person goes far beyond what is necessary to make up for their deficiency.
Lucky for me, I only had to be called to explain my absences. I didn’t fail any subjects or was kicked out of the pre-med program. I was still on my path toward becoming like the characters in Grey’s Anatomy. But it did send an alarm that required me to seek professional help. It took my family years before I was sent to therapy. A therapy we could no longer afford when the allotment from my dad suddenly stopped.
BUT ALL ROADS LEAD TO WHERE WE SHOULD BE
Somehow, I felt what Dr. Izzie was feeling back in the season finale of Season 2 when she cut the LVAD wire of Denny Duquette, a dying heart transplant patient. She knew that she’d lose her chances of becoming an actual doctor with what she did, but she did it anyway to ease Denny’s suffering. When my condition worsened and the bills were piling up, I needed to cut my family’s dream to stop our bleeding. I had to work to finish my studies. Though attending med school was still the goal, it had to wait.
After years of going back and forth to therapy and taking on odd jobs while trying to finish my studies, watching Grey’s Anatomy gave me the comfort I could never find elsewhere. It kept my dreams of attending med school alive, even though I was slowly accepting the reality that I would never reach my goal anymore. As I continued to follow the seemingly never-ending story being told by the show, I learned to build new goals and create new dreams while still trying to get as close as possible to what I genuinely want to do.
WHEN YOU KNEW YOU HAD ARRIVED
I learned during my journey that our goals aren’t always fixed. Some plans and dreams show us that the learnings we get along the way are as equally important as reaching them. I may have lost my competitive edge, the Cristina Yang in me, but I’d like to think that these were important life lessons I needed to go through to realize that just because I did not get to where I wanted to be, doesn’t mean I will never be successful and happy in life.
It taught me that while success effectively measures a person’s capabilities, our grit and attitude on our way to success, how we learn every step of the way, and how we get back up whenever we fall ultimately prepare us for every adversity we face. For some of us, it is a feat that has to be experienced at a very young age. To learn and accept the reality that not all dreams are meant to be reached, but instead meant to create a direction in life; whether it’ll eventually lead us to where we truly want to be or not. Simply put, it taught me to bloom wherever I was planted.
WHERE TO NEXT?
Along the way, I experienced pockets of success that I will forever cherish. But more than the accolades, I am thankful for all the challenges I encountered. If not for those challenges, I wouldn’t have seen success the way I see it now. As I continue to watch reruns of Grey’s Anatomy, every episode and scene will remind me of the hardships and joy I experienced then.
Like the characters of Meredith, Cristina, and Dr. Bailey, I, too, will continue my journey by embracing what I’m passionate about. It may have taken me x number of jobs. Hundreds of anxiety attacks, nights filled with thoughts of ending it all, and 18 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy. But I can finally say that I have arrived where I truly wanted to be with my heart to offer. Out there where I could put my words, whether it means something to others or not, to inspire people, bring hope to whoever needs it and become a testament that all our struggles, defeats, and sorrows will all make sense in time, just you wait.